Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Bear the light forward

Bear the light forward. This phrase came to me in the shower. I understand what it means, but I have no idea where it came from. It is what we do, light bodies: we bear the light forward. I remembered the earlier summons: light calls to light. The energy that is in us, the light and the dark matter both, are what we bring into this moment of choice, of thought, of action, and in this way, each individual being bears forward the energy that has been poured into it from the whole universe, for over 13 billion years. There is a little piece of understanding shifting in me. We keep choosing, choosing how we do this, but we are often too clouded in our understanding or clarity so that we hinder the energy. I want to stop doing that, stop getting in the way of the energy that wants to flow forward. Stream, stream is what the Buddha called human beings. We are energy streams, meeting other streams, gaining strength and power and direction or hindering each other in maddening eddies or crashing conflicts or diversions. The little boys, my nephews, who shriek and fight one moment, sit companionably reading together the next, just manifest these energy flows more obviously than more seasoned and weathered adults. Now I am content to shine a quiet light, without my earlier need for recognition or acclaim, for approval and the delight of others. In very small ways I connect and support, and offer a little comfort but it is not about me now. This wants to be known, this wants to be witnessed, this wants to be acknowledged or appreciated. I am in the scene because that is what I can offer. It is a tiny gesture but whole worlds are built up from this. More importantly, it is something I can actually do, now, without waiting, without strain, without dislocation or overwhelm. In settling a pinfeather on the scales of the universe I feel the lift of ancient, monumental burdens and the whisper of a shift in the spiral of karma. I am where I am supposed to be, and positioned exactly to do what needs to be done, by me, in this moment. Light bodies everywhere; what does it mean?

I am now completely assured that enlightenment is always in us, that we are dazzling beyond our dreams, that we are playing a continual practical joke on ourselves in arousing anxiety, fear, rage, happiness, and every other transient mood or state of mind. It is the play of rainbows, the hilarious puppet theater of human dramas. I seldom see through the construction of the reality I know, see the elegant universe just beyond my daily imagining called "this life."

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